From Darkness to Dawn: My Journey of Redemption

 

It all started in the grasp of infancy, battling through emergency life-saving surgeries to untangle the unexplained and unexpected mal-rotation (twisting) of my intestine at 22 months old. A toddler facing mortality head-on - a fight for survival. My chances, 20% at best, and I made it after 11 weeks in hospital.

 

But that was just the beginning.

 

Adolescence brought a new torment - stomach pains that plagued me for years. Doctors struggled to diagnose, leaving me lost in a whirlwind of agony and uncertainty, those around me doubting it’s genuineness, and even me doubting myself too.

 

Years later, at 23, finally this got resolved and was found to be a physical problem, adhesions as a result of the stomach surgery I had as a toddler.

 

Then the births of my two children, grounding me in purpose and love. I was a dad, and it was the best feeling in the world.

 

Yet, darkness lurked nearby. In 2012, depression gripped me hard and wouldn't let go, dragging me into a mass of insecurity, uncertainty, and suicidal thoughts.

 

It was dark, it was empty, it was a vacuum.

 

For a while, I didn’t feel anything, I wasn’t happy or sad, I wasn’t angry, it was nothing – and that’s both the strangest and scariest feeling – to not feel anything.

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​​​​​​​​​Sitting in my first therapy session saying to someone I didn’t know “I need your help”, was one of the more difficult times – but it was one I knew I needed to take.

 

In my darkest moments, I stood on the brink of self-destruction. Sleep was my friend, my mind stopped when I slept. Every time I woke it flooded with racing thoughts once again.

 

This led me to my darkest time, the thought of permanent sleep. Sat at the top of a cliff in my car, my hand on the handbrake about to let it fall, quietly shaking, I made the choice to keep fighting, to figure this out, to never be in this place again.

 

I chose that night to continue, to be here. To stay alive.

 

My relationship with the mother of my children, my partner since I was 18, strained under the weight of my depression, and our miscommunication, misunderstanding and subsequent pains for us both that resulted. We both felt ignored and unheard, and neither of us were budging. Leaving us adrift and detached from each other.

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Part of this, was realising that where I was, wasn’t doing me any good. It was about taking responsibility.

 

I chose to end the relationship with my children’s mum after 18 years of togetherness, which meant moving out from my children too. It was excruciating, and one of the hardest moments of my life – but by this point, I knew it was the right thing to do, for all of us, not just myself.

 

The support of coaching, therapy, and counsellors that I’d continued throughout the years became my lifeline. A path to redemption amidst the chaos. With each session, I chipped away, inching closer to healing and renewal.

 

Today, I’m here as a reminder to you of the power of resilience. A reminder of the strength that lies within each of us.

 

As a coach and mentor, I extend my hand to those lost in the darkness, guiding them towards brighter days.

 

My journey is proof that redemption is possible, even in the darkest of times.

 

And though the road may be tough, know this…

 

You are not alone.